Issues

I apologize for not posting to you, Mr. Blog. It's unfortunate but good, I got an actual diary. I feel like diaries have special energies and the last few I've purchased had no energy, or bad energy. Every time I wrote in them it would be about bad things and so I lost my interest. This diary, that my auntie Susan bought me for Christmas has fantastic energy and I have been writing things from haunting dreams to observations and resolutions for the New Year.

Here's the quick and dirty. I partied way too hard on New Years and during the blizzards. But the blizzards were a blast! I went to Florida in between B1 and B2. Which was nice to be with my family during the holidays, but a huge cluster fuck. It was much too rushed and my nerves were a mess, causing me to be cranky and tired. I feel asleep every time we got in the car to go somewhere. Of course, I think that has to do with the fact that everywhere is so far in Florida.

On the man front: There is a new interest, I shall call him TTB. He is very sweet and really easy to talk to, not to mention a great kisser. I really enjoying spending time with him and he is totally that person I can have a serious conversation with, but I don't feel embarrassed to me my normal silly, goofy self. I worry because I think we went a little too far last night and I started getting my regular "commitment anxiety." I had to convince myself to stay over, NOT to run away right away. Which turned into a bit of a disaster because Slinky, only I can love him, was being his regular hyper self and annoying the other dog in the room. I of course knew this would happen, Slinky does not settle down unless he is forced to. Which is why for now, I crate him. Some may think it is cruel, but he knows when it's time to "settle down" and he goes in there on his own accord. Dogs are den animals, and it is like his bedroom. So anyway, I wound up being kindly asked to leave at 1:30 in the morning when Slinky just couldn't calm down. Which is fine, I love my bed and my pillows and nothing made me happier than to read my book and fall asleep in my bed, ALONE! Can you sense the overflowing commitment issues here? I am like Freud's wet dream, and yes, I have daddy issues too.

I really have a lot of hope and goals for this year, and I think chasing guys could really get in the way of that. I am getting off to a good start by the way (sense the irony). So we shall see. And there is always pinche Harry. I think it may be good to hold him on this pedestal, just to keep me away from worrying about any other men around here. Because honestly, I can't go have coffee with a guy without compairing him to Harry. I'd love to go visit him in LA, especially right now, however I can't. I can't give myself to him like that (I visited in September! And then met him in Orlando in October--it is his turn to seek me out). And I fear, one more time with him and I will officially be infatuated. Then I will be doomed. Ahhh, who am I kidding, I am already infatuated with him and I am already completely doomed.