Sick of being sick

All, if you have had contact with me in the last week I'd recommend that you notify the CDC. I was sick before Thanksgiving and I am sick again now. I NEVER get sick and now twice in a few weeks time? I checked on WebMD and I'm pretty sure I have the Bird Flu, that or Ebola.

Ghost Chasing

This is a quick one. Last night Alba and I went over to our property manager's apartment to hangout but soon found out he had alternative motives. No, it's nothing dirty! He started by saying, "You guys have to promise you won't freak out." Like hell! Anyway, he proceeds to tell us they found our neighbor, DEAD in his apartment, yes, as in the apartment right next door. Hell yeah I freaked out. I had nightmares last night that I was being chased by ghosts in this labyrinth, and that my mom came to stay with me in my apartment to ward off the evil spirits. The really scary thing is, they suspect he passed away on Wednesday night. Well, Slinky was so crazy on Wednesday night. I had to take him out at 2 in the morning, I never have to take him out in the middle of the night. And he just kept howling and barking. Animals are so amazing. They have such astute senses. Anyway, can I crash on someone's couch until my lease is up?

Oh! And then let's tie is back to my little emotional breakdown about dying alone and that episode of Six Feet Under. Freaky huh?

I am a moon goddess, hear me roar!

Today I went to my first moon circle. I would tell you all what we did, but a good little Moon Goddess does not circle and tell.

I had my tarot read and it had some interesting insights for me to hear. The tarot is a powerful window into the soul of the universe. It was very empowering to harness the energy of the world and women around me, and have the answers the universe wants to give to me.

I really need to catch up on my Zzzz's. I have a runway show tommorow and the runway and show are so long that they estimate we will have walked 4 miles of runway by the time the show is over. Let's hope I am not fashion roadkill!

Don't worry, they have a very lovely life

I was flipping through the channels while eating my lovely dinner (alone) and I stopped at Six Feet Under. It shows a woman, eating alone and then she suddenly chokes. Cut to, a week later when they discover her body. This is coming off a very long lonely weekend that officially marked the beginning of my first holiday season alone. Last year I had Jordan, and the previous years my parents lived in town. This year it was about 4 hours of family time, and 4 days of avoiding stores. Which meant a lot of walks with Slinky to Wash Park, lots of cleaning and lots of Netflix (I do not recommend The Libertine, I do recommend Bridge and Prejudice). I did have some get togethers with my fabulous friends and what not, but it was one of those weekends that while I kept busy, I felt completly alone. For the first time since my breakup I felt the need for true intimacy. I missed being held while I fell asleep. And waking up with someone--and not feeling scared or trying hard to remember their name. So this combined with the fact that I will be on my moon soon, and then add to it the "cautionary tale of the lonely woman" on Six Feet Under, I lost it. I literally cried for an hour straight. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. I spent 20 minutes on the bathroom floor with a roll of toliet paper wiping my tears. And then something happened. I realized I was sorry. Sorry for not knowing how to love, sorry for being a bad girlfriend, sorry for all of those times where I was jealous, or possessive, or out of line. I asked for forgiveness (from whom, I'm not really sure) but I asked to learn, and have compassion. And be able to love next time without such pain. And then I looked at pictures of Jordan and me... but past those pictures there were pictures of my friends, and my family. And I realized I do know how to love. I just didn't know how to love him. And then Harry called. He called just to say Hi. And that is exactly what I needed. Since I met him, in my mind he has been the reminder that those men are out there. His call could not have come at a better time.

The Characters in Mi Vida

Get to know the people I will most likely refer to most in this blog.

There is me, Juana Beso. I am 25 years old, and recently out of a 2.5 yr relationship. I work for a small chain of movie theaters, I love movies and I love my job, most of the time. I have a dog, Slinky*, who is the current love of my life. I am 80% grit and 20% sunshine. I can also be a little slutty at times. My favorite nickname is "Naughty Minx," that is what Muffin calls me...because I ask her to.

Jordan--my ex. Who was a wonderful man, but we just weren't compatible. He was too dependent, lacked some motivation and the ability to take charge.

Gabe--my soulmate, my best friend, my partner in crime. I don't have a thought he hasn't already had, and I can't say something that isn't utterly predictable to him. He lives in Florida and not a day goes by where we don't have some sort of communication. He knows my deepest darkest secrets, and I trust him with my life. He is actually my second benefactor for my life insurance policy.

Shaunae-- my hermana hermosa. The Blonde bombshell. She is so amazing and strong.

Alba--my fabulous roomate. What more can I say? She has been a true blessing to me at this point in my life. She is a strong mujer, beautiful, and she inspires me!

Muffin--one of my oldest friends. I have known her since middle school. She is my blog inspiration.

Chinchilla -- another fellow blogger but also real life friend. The hottest librarian I've ever seen. I have not returned books on purpose just hoping that she will find me and punish me.

SpecialK -- I may not talk about him a lot or at all, but just know he is my BIG. Emotionally and physically I fall apart when I see him. Actually, just a call or a text will make my knees a little wobbly. I think it's mostly due to the fact that my attraction to him was so deep while I was with Jordan, it needs to be cultivated. If he didn't live in Gotham City I would go visit him, but why the hell would I go somewhere more cold than where I'm at?

Parents-- Love them. They are crazy but in a lovable way. They live in Deltona Florida.






* all names have been changed to protect the innocent.