Don't worry, they have a very lovely life

I was flipping through the channels while eating my lovely dinner (alone) and I stopped at Six Feet Under. It shows a woman, eating alone and then she suddenly chokes. Cut to, a week later when they discover her body. This is coming off a very long lonely weekend that officially marked the beginning of my first holiday season alone. Last year I had Jordan, and the previous years my parents lived in town. This year it was about 4 hours of family time, and 4 days of avoiding stores. Which meant a lot of walks with Slinky to Wash Park, lots of cleaning and lots of Netflix (I do not recommend The Libertine, I do recommend Bridge and Prejudice). I did have some get togethers with my fabulous friends and what not, but it was one of those weekends that while I kept busy, I felt completly alone. For the first time since my breakup I felt the need for true intimacy. I missed being held while I fell asleep. And waking up with someone--and not feeling scared or trying hard to remember their name. So this combined with the fact that I will be on my moon soon, and then add to it the "cautionary tale of the lonely woman" on Six Feet Under, I lost it. I literally cried for an hour straight. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see. I spent 20 minutes on the bathroom floor with a roll of toliet paper wiping my tears. And then something happened. I realized I was sorry. Sorry for not knowing how to love, sorry for being a bad girlfriend, sorry for all of those times where I was jealous, or possessive, or out of line. I asked for forgiveness (from whom, I'm not really sure) but I asked to learn, and have compassion. And be able to love next time without such pain. And then I looked at pictures of Jordan and me... but past those pictures there were pictures of my friends, and my family. And I realized I do know how to love. I just didn't know how to love him. And then Harry called. He called just to say Hi. And that is exactly what I needed. Since I met him, in my mind he has been the reminder that those men are out there. His call could not have come at a better time.

The Characters in Mi Vida

Get to know the people I will most likely refer to most in this blog.

There is me, Juana Beso. I am 25 years old, and recently out of a 2.5 yr relationship. I work for a small chain of movie theaters, I love movies and I love my job, most of the time. I have a dog, Slinky*, who is the current love of my life. I am 80% grit and 20% sunshine. I can also be a little slutty at times. My favorite nickname is "Naughty Minx," that is what Muffin calls me...because I ask her to.

Jordan--my ex. Who was a wonderful man, but we just weren't compatible. He was too dependent, lacked some motivation and the ability to take charge.

Gabe--my soulmate, my best friend, my partner in crime. I don't have a thought he hasn't already had, and I can't say something that isn't utterly predictable to him. He lives in Florida and not a day goes by where we don't have some sort of communication. He knows my deepest darkest secrets, and I trust him with my life. He is actually my second benefactor for my life insurance policy.

Shaunae-- my hermana hermosa. The Blonde bombshell. She is so amazing and strong.

Alba--my fabulous roomate. What more can I say? She has been a true blessing to me at this point in my life. She is a strong mujer, beautiful, and she inspires me!

Muffin--one of my oldest friends. I have known her since middle school. She is my blog inspiration.

Chinchilla -- another fellow blogger but also real life friend. The hottest librarian I've ever seen. I have not returned books on purpose just hoping that she will find me and punish me.

SpecialK -- I may not talk about him a lot or at all, but just know he is my BIG. Emotionally and physically I fall apart when I see him. Actually, just a call or a text will make my knees a little wobbly. I think it's mostly due to the fact that my attraction to him was so deep while I was with Jordan, it needs to be cultivated. If he didn't live in Gotham City I would go visit him, but why the hell would I go somewhere more cold than where I'm at?

Parents-- Love them. They are crazy but in a lovable way. They live in Deltona Florida.






* all names have been changed to protect the innocent.