The Heart of the Matter

"To see your heart in your dream, signifies truth, courage, love, and romance. It is representative of how you are currently dealing with your feelings and expressing your emotions. Also consider the saying "the heart of the matter" which implies that you may need to get down to the core of a situation before proceeding. "

In my dream I am at the doctor for a routine physical. She listens to my breathing and tells me I need emergency open heart surgery. The problem? My heart is too big for my body, and if it keeps pumping at it's size it will overwhelm the rest of my organs. She asked if I had any symptoms, particularly effecting my smile. She said that sometimes a big heart can affect ones ability to smile. I told her yes, I had not smiled lately... and I was rushed to the ER. I was out during the surgery but remember watching them rebuild my heart. They sliced it, removed a chunk, and then reattached the two halves, delicately placing layer after layer, and taking the time to sew it all together. I woke up in the hospital feeling no pain.

This weekend something very traumatic happened to me, something I thought would never happen to me and something I thought if it did happen, there would be a clear cut right or wrong. To be hit by the person you love is one of the most core shattering experiences I have ever felt. You don't know where it comes from, you want to hate them but sometimes you can see past the rage into a person that is hurting and does not know how to deal with things. In a matter of day, I lost the person I loved and had to move out of his apartment. Thank God I have family, with whom I am staying currently.

The shake up is life changing. I had been feeling the need for a new start and this was the literal and metaphorical push I needed to make that happen. Can that person change and can we have a relationship again? Can I forgive him? Where will I be living in three weeks? All these questions and only time will provide the answers.