I have no time for this

So, I do believe I have been officially broken. Friday night Brian TEXTED me that he needed a "rain check" for our date. Who the fuck asks for a rain check for a date? Can you at least have the decency to call me? I was 3 drinks in at this time, 6 feet tall and bullet proof and I wrote him, "No rain check needed. I don't waste my time with people who don't know what they want." LOL... but I was crying on the inside, which leaked outside. On the car ride home, I could barely keep the tears from flowing. When I walked in, ready to fling myself on my bed with Rocco under my arm, I was faced with a room full of Moon Goddesses. Shit, we are hosting moon circle at the house this moon. But I couldn't handle it and ran to my room and cried, sobbed, and heaved would be the more appropriate term really. Why had this guy broken me down? Why this guy who I've been out with 3 times? Why now?

I think the answer is simple. He has been the first guy I have met that meets more than the minimum of my criteria. I am attracted to him, he has a great job in which he is passionate about, he dresses well (DON'T EVEN ASK ABOUT MY LUNCH DATE WITH A GUY IN SWEAT PANTS?! WTF??? WHO WEARS SWEATS ON A FIRST DATE, EVEN IF IT IS A LUNCH DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), is fun to talk to, enjoys the same things I do, on and on and on. The lesson I came of this is: Never settle for anything less than butterflies (not my words, but you get it). This goes back to my obsession with making lists lately. I will not settle for anything minimum. I know I know what I want, and I need to stop fooling myself. This includes hanging out with people who are "nice" or "easy to talk to." I want to make love to him in the morning!
I want to be excited when he calls! I want to get butterflies thinking about our last kiss! I want fireworks! Brian was the first guy to awaken that, locally anyway. I got overly excited at the possibility of him. This too shall pass.

-- Juana Beso, no longer smitten.